Have you ever been hasty in your decisions without consulting the Lord first? Or you disciplined your children out of a foggy mind? You are not alone. I have been at fault for this multiple times and wanted to share how the good Lord brought me out of my mess.
We were eating dinner I had made the other night and my boys were in the dining room. My husband and I were in the living room. Our 3 year old boy, Evander, comes into the living room telling us that his older brother, Aidyn, hit him in the cheek with a lima bean skin. My husband and I both know that Aidyn is kind of picky on how he eats anything with a bean in it. Green beans, lima beans, pea pods, etc. He always takes the insides out and eats them separately. Or he only eats the insides. It depends on his mood. So it definitely seemed plausible that Aidyn could have either accidentally or on purpose flicked a lima bean skin onto Evander.
So, we brought both boys in and started asking questions on what happened. Evander’s story was very detailed and made sense. Aidyn didn’t have a story. He just kept saying he didn’t do it and nothing happened. We kept telling both boys they need to make sure they are telling the truth, because God wants us to always tell the truth. Even if it’s a hard truth to tell and you could get into trouble.
The boys both were very much sticking to their guns and saying the same things over and over. At this point, my husband and I knew who was lying and who wasn’t. We just wanted the one lying to own up to their mistake. He was definitely not about to though. We eventually told them that if someone doesn’t start telling the truth, they’re both gonna be in trouble. Neither of their stories changed. So, out of our flesh, we told them both to go to the corner. I will admit, it wasn’t one of our brightest or most godly moments.
The Mess Up
They were not budging on their stories. Aidyn kept telling us nothing happened and Evander kept telling us his story. My husband gave them both 5 minutes to tell us the truth or there was going to be no electronics the next day. We explained to them that it meant no tablet and no movies. Evander was upset and I felt awful because I knew he wasn’t lying. We were pushing them in hopes Aidyn would not want to be in more trouble and just admit his mistake. It did not work that way.
Before they officially went to bed, I had the idea to ask Evander where the lima bean skin was and he went right to it without hesitation and showed me. Aidyn still didn’t budge. So, we did end up taking away electronics the next day, because we already mentioned it and wanted to stick to our word. That was one of those ‘open mouth, insert foot’ situations. It affected Evander more than Aidyn because he loves playing on the tablet for his allotted time.
The next day, I was at home with them while my husband was at work. I was frustrated and didn’t understand why Aidyn didn’t want to just fess up. I didn’t know what to do as Evander had already thrown a couple fits that morning about not being able to play on the tablet. I had to explain to him both times why he couldn’t. I ended up explaining my frustration to my husband because it just seemed like Aidyn didn’t care that he got both himself and his brother in trouble. He was just going about his day like nothing happened. His little brother even asked him why he got them both in trouble and Aidyn acted like it was no big deal. He was also still saying the same thing and sticking to it.
And the Lord Said…
I decided to do what I should have in the first place. I prayed. While I was praying, the Lord told me to just be gentle and talk to him about it. So I brought him into the living room and asked him some questions. I asked what happened the night before. He still told me nothing happened. So I asked him what the Lord thinks about a lying tongue. To which he answered, “He hates it.” (Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverbs 12:22 KJB) We then talked about how we need to try our best to please the Lord. I asked if lying is pleasing to the Lord. Of course his answer was no. We talked some more about how God wants us to be and that when we make bad choices, we need to ask for forgiveness. I also explained that he hurt his brother by lying and getting them both into trouble. We need to ask for forgiveness from God and the people we hurt with our bad choices. Conviction was written all over his face and he was tearing up.
So, I told him to go sit on his bed for a bit and think about it. I also told him it would be a good idea to pray to God and ask Him for forgiveness. At that point he was crying. I let him cry it out on his bed and prayed for him in the living room. When he got done crying I went and checked on him and asked if he was okay. I also asked if he decided to pray. He told me he prayed and asked God for forgiveness. I brought him back into the living room and we talked about it. I hugged him tight and told him it was a good thing to feel the way he did and then praying about it.
The Takeaway
The biggest thing I personally took away from this experience was that when the Bible says to discipline your children (He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24 KJB), it’s not always talking about physical discipline. The Lord doesn’t always chasten us physically. Sometimes it’s conviction through someone else’s words or His word that gets us to realize and repent. A lot of times even as adults we don’t realize the extent of our mistakes until WE are told the truth. So I can’t expect my six year old to fully understand how his choices affect other people. It’s my job to let him know in a gentle and loving way. It’s easy to forget that our children aren’t mini adults and they don’t know what we know. Our entire lives are a learning process and even the Bible says we are to constantly be learning more. (The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge. Proverbs 18:15 KJB) Should I have handled it the way I did at first? No. Did the Lord show me grace so I could show my children? Yes. All the glory goes to the Lord. Praise Jesus for His love, mercy, and grace. We wouldn’t learn anything without it.
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